As a tennis player, I occasionally mis-hit a ball on the frame instead of the strings (also known as a “shank”, the player therefore known as a “Shank-a-potamus”, and the old joke goes: “Well, you paid for the whole racket, so might as well use it!” It’s hard to hit a winner off the frame — and mentally trying to find our sweet spot when we’ve had so much going on has been difficult, to say the least.
A Coping Skill From DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)
We all function best — like a well-struck ball– from our centers, a place known as Wise Mind in an effective clinical approach known as Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). But if you feel your wise mind has gone missing more often than usual, read on for some ways to strike a better balance. Because wow — have we had to use all parts of our minds in order to be where we are today! Being a true Shankapotamus just means you have to work a little harder and catch some breaks. I think we can all relate.
One way to look all the emotional states of the past 18 months is to say that we’ve been a little off-center. In pre-pandemic life, we were used to feeling out of sorts for a day, or occasionally a stretch of days. We’d hit some “shanks” every now and then, or have a bad day on whatever “court” our lives took place on. It was normal to have short periods of stress or grief over a specific situation—but not long after we would often hit from the center of the strings again.
It is in the center of the strings is where we get the most ease, power, and targeted placement. It follows our intention (to the best of our tennis-playing ability.) Our minds function similarly — we can practice our ability operate from that center, Wise Mind.
Before understanding what it is to hit from the center of the strings, and to think from Wise Mind, let’s first look at what is competing for your attention.
Is Your Emotional Mind Dominating?
Emotional Mind is also described as the “hot place.” This is where we feel all the stuff. Emotional mind can be a place of intensity, depression, anxiety, and passion. It’s where we act without seeming to think, and can actually be difficult to logically process thoughts. (Hello, Toddler or Teenager or Angry Person In Traffic). In the Emotional Mind, we make decisions based on how we feel instead of what may be a logical choice (does honking a horn ever help anything?) For example, we may say something out of anger or eat something we know isn’t going to make us feel good because we acted without intention or without using our values to guide us.
Emotional Mind Represents Your Authentic Inner Self
Emotional Mind is important for being in touch with ourselves! It is here that we can practice cultivating our intuition, being creative, and tuning into how we really feel about a situation. Therapists in our practice often help our adult clients strengthen their emotional minds. Being an adult is hard, and to do it we often tune out our core psychological needs in order to function and take care of others. Sometimes we react impulsively to the people in our lives — snap at someone in anger or frustration, or easily feel burned out, and come to believe that feeling are bad, because our emotional needs have been repressed due to Logical Mind.
Is Your Logical Mind Dominating?
Logical Mind is a place of thought, often described as a “cool place.” This is where we think about all the things and where reason is the only currency. We use previous experiences to inform us about what steps to take next, and try to be reasonable, fact-informed machines of information. We are focused and deliberate. Therapists at Loyal Blue help younger clients trust their Logical Minds. Unlike most adults, young people are often impulsive and governed more by mood than by reason.
Logical Mind can cause us to lose sight of ourselves and what’s important in an overthinking marathon. One of the most common statements a client will make after describing an aspect of their lives is “does that make sense?” (I usually respond with “I understand what you are saying.”) This is the client’s Logical Mind trying to understand feelings as a way of they are either sensible or not. But feelings are just emotions — whether they make sense depends on who you are and what the situation is relative to that.
Logical Mind Loves Order and Control
Logical Mind analyzes, plans, and likes to feel in control. It likes predictability, stability, and feeling grounded. But it can also lead to feeling repressed, bored, and depressed. Logical Mind can be so focused on making the “right” choices that it may miss what actually matters in a situation. Consider someone who goes to law school but doesn’t actually want to be a lawyer, or choosing a small lunch when you’re actually starving, or encouraging a child to color within the lines for no particular reason. Logical Mind may also miss opportunities to really connect with another person, even our partners and family, because we are trying to stay orderly and dutiful. Our Logical Minds can become anxious when they lose control, or feel an uncomfortable feeling.
Wise Mind Is Intuitive Thinking
Enter Wise Mind to the rescue, also called “the knowing place.” This is a reference to intuitive thinking, which is how Wise Mind makes its choices. It is like the blue sky behind the clouds, or behind the rain, or even behind the blaring sun. Wise Mind is the center of the racket. In other words, you can sometimes hit a winner off the frame of your racket like a true Shankapotamus, but you’re more likely to feel calm, in control, and in touch with your best self when you hit from the center. It doesn’t matter what the weather is if your Wise Mind is keeping you company.
One thing that is very important to understand is that Wise Mind is known experientially. This means it takes practice to get a feel for the center of the strings. It is the ability to intuit from a deeper place what the best course of action is to take, and to not use logic or feelings exclusively to make choices. Like the blue sky or center of the racket, Wise Mind is always close at hand, but we need help finding it and harnessing its powers of powerful calm. For some people it is reassuring just to know that we all, as human beings, own a Wise Mind—even when it feels hard to find, or you feel like a Shankapotamus.
Wise Mind Works With Things As They Are
Another thing to note: Wise Mind acts from a place of acceptance of reality. Wise Mind comes from a place of acceptance of how things are—no reason or emotion to wrangle—and it blends the best of the Emotional and Logical Minds by acknowledging our feelings are real, and letting us put them in a sensible context.
What are some ways we can practice cultivating our Wise Minds?
- Observe everything. Notice yourself, others, situations and describe them with words without trying to change or interpret. Just use words like “I feel angry” or “the traffic will mean our trip is an hour longer.” For a more deliberate observation practice, try meditation. We like Headspace.
- Take a neutral stance whenever possible by not interpreting anything as “good” or “bad” but instead just as it is (This is a basic tenant of cognitive behavioral therapy as well). For example, you may need to bring an umbrella, but that doesn’t mean anything is “bad” about the weather. (How many times in our outdoor pandemic social life have we heard now that there is no bad weather, just bad clothes?!)
- Let your Logical Mind rest by allowing yourself to be in a moment without scanning or planning. Use your intuition to be present.
- Let your Emotional Mind rest by not labeling feelings or wishing them away, but focusing on the next action needed instead of letting your feelings control your next shot. (Just bring an umbrella and move on).
- Allow yourself a time-out when either overthinking OR feeling emotional in order to calm down and re-center. You will avoid saying something you don’t mean and you will also avoid burnout on a topic.
By: Lindsey Antin
