“The psychology of returning” is a phrase I’ve come up with the describe this chapter in the pandemic. It’s such a big topic that I even created a talk around it which was first given at Texas State in November 2021. Where have we been and where are we going? And how can we process and prepare and when we know our reality can change so quickly? What are some tools for resilience and reconnection?
Here’s a brief look at what we know as mental health professionals from 18 months of doing therapy for depression, anxiety, insomnia and relationship issues in a pandemic.
Grief: What We Lost
The pandemic highlighted a type of loss we are less familiar with: symbolic loss. Unlike concrete loss (death, job loss, breakups), which have better rituals and mourning expectations associated with them, symbolic loss is less recognized because it is less tangible.
Symbolic loss can include:
- Identity, including no longer being able to perform certain activities or hobbies
- Expectations (dashed hopes, anyone? it’s been impossible to plan with much certainty)
- Milestones, including rites of passage like graduations
- Hopes and dreams, including timelines like for schooling, medical treatment, etc.
Unfortunately since symbolic loss isn’t as visible, it can be harder to acknowledge another’s grief. We need to make space for the variety of loss we’ve experienced in the past 18 months by being aware of ourselves and others’ experiences.
In order to move forward, we can talk more about our losses and listen generously to others. Unprocessed grief leads to burnout. Burnout is characterized by emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a reduced sense of personal accomplishment.
Pandemic burnout is caused by many additional factors
I am not just talking about being tired of the pandemic (burned out on masks). I’m talking about additional reasons we feel burned out in our core, including (my “favorite”), a constant mismatch in skillset (wearing “hats” for roles you weren’t trained for).
Recovering from pandemic burnout will occur slowly, as we are still subject to much of what caused it in the first place. However, we can get started by having regular discussions about why we’re doing what we’re doing, developing new skills, and creative thinking on how to build back rituals and traditions. Having a sense of meaning and purpose is the most important element to recovering from burnout. What has passed through your pandemic filter?
The Science of Motivation will help us return to our meaning and purpose
Those who did well through the ups and downs in 2021 figured out how to quickly solve for pain points, including taking decisive action on situations that had built up in 2020.
Habit formation is frequently talked about in our field of behavioral health. If your self-neglect has actually been masquerading under a cloak of self-care, we recommend starting small. Use Dr. Fogg from Stanford’s Tiny Habits to start small.
As therapists we can help our clients take steps to change their environment or circumstances causing the problem, or their emotional response to their problem. If we’re lucky we are able to make progress in both areas.
For example, we always have students in our practice in difficult student housing at Berkeley. While it would be simple to try to relocate them to new rooms away from problematic roommate situations, this isn’t always possible at Cal. We try to help them respond better to their stressful environment until they can change it.
The psychology of returning is about building adaptive resilience, and taking in the good
We have to make room for good in our brains, on our phones, and bake it into our daily lives again. One of my favorite phrases from the year was “doom scrolling.” Remember opening up your news apps a year ago to find headlines in huge font? We braced ourselves nearly every day. It is a stressful evolutionary bias that is built into our brains that we scan for the danger. Our negativity bias is very easily reinforced multiple times per day and this might be the biggest things we will have to train ourselves out of in the chapter ahead.
While it’s important to protect ourselves, we can allow negative stimulus into our lives with boundaries. We don’t have to doom scroll, and we can choose to connect with friends and coworkers on what’s going well in addition to venting.
Watch Rick Hanson, a Bay Area neuropsychologist, talk about how to change your brain to be wired for good. (15 minute video).
We are optimistic about the chapter ahead. We work with all of the true heroes from the past 18 months: children gamely wading through online school and friendships, parents learning how to be teachers and pathologists, teachers learning to be tech experts and social workers, essential workers on our couches and in our hearts. You’ve taught us so much about how to keep moving forward!
If you’d like to hear more about the psychology of returning or book with Lindsey to give this 30-40 minute talk and workshop to your school or workplace or book club, please contact our marketing manager!
By: Lindsey Antin
