We know a lot about aging well, both physically and mentally — and this blog post is about that, looking through the lens of the past year. Does what we know about “aging well” stand up to a pandemic? Is this still possible to achieve during these “unprecedented times”? Anxiety, depression, and insomnia have become major topics, even in casual conversation. Good news though: the habits and skills we’ve been developing in this pandemic are shown to correlate with long-term well-being.
We have tried to adapt to extraordinary circumstances, with varying degrees of success. Passing the “panniversary” of what turned out to be the last days of “normal” has felt surreal. We’re here because we jumped from bridge to bridge, never landing on familiar ground but instead looking for that light at the end of the tunnel.
Aging Well by the Harvard scholar George Valiant is a summary of a lifespan study of men and women started in 1938. Researchers looked at a huge variety of factors that explained those who lived with the greatest well-being
Physical health alone did not explain people’s well-being and longevity. Rather, how people adapted to their circumstances was where the research got interesting. Here are the inner qualities shown by the people who were most satisfied with their lives:
- Future-mindedness: the ability to participate, plan and hope
- Gratitude: seeing the glass half full, and that today is not just another day
- Empathy and forgiveness: being able to imagine the world as it seems to another, and to hold your own version loosely and with open-mindedness.
- Doing things with people, and not ruminating on others’ behavior or taking things personally
Mature Defenses = Adaptation to Stress
“Mature defenses” are a distinct dimension of mental resilience, and Dr. Valiant spent some time organizing defenses into heirarchies.The highest level adaptations continued to buoy people through their lowest moments. How many of these sound familiar after the past year?
Sublimation: turning nervous energy into constructive projects. (think baking bread, painting rainbows, home improvement)
Suppression: minimizing unproductive expression of negative emotions to others so they don’t chip away at your values or detract from pursuing your goals(needing to avoid the news, seeking out therapy as an outlet)
Anticipation: investing in preparation and planning as a way to reduce anxiety and stress. (saving, buying a Peloton, testing and quarantining with hope of seeing loved ones)
Altruism: deriving satisfaction, perspective, and meaning from employing your resources and talents to help others. (making masks, shopping for those at risk, essential workers rising above and beyond)
Humor: the ability to see the funny, comical, or ironic aspects of a stressful or potentially upsetting situation: (sharing memes, joking about never changing out of sweatpants, watching funny shows)
You can probably see how much of our behavior — our very best efforts at gamely wading through these months — were in the form of these highly adaptive coping skills that Dr. Valiant identified in his study which concluded years ago.
Better days are ahead. And some difficult ones too. While we might be approaching the end of this pandemic’s scariest phase, we can store away our most successful uses of these “mature defenses” to persevere though future difficult times. We would also do well to employ them as part of our day to day, just like the participants in the study. Building days filled with humor, constructive energy, kindness towards others, and managing our negative emotions will result in happier living across all generations and trying times.
