This rite of passage for all kids (and parents) is one I return to frequently in the therapy room because of what we can learn from this experience that everyone goes through. The motivation that adults bring to the potty training process is usually a hopeful and curious one that we can embrace with mental health challenges as well. Whether it’s depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, OCD, perfectionism…this approach works. Here’s what I mean.
Problem Solving Is An Active Process
Potty training for my family was one of those underpants-only weekends at home. We tried to make it a fun couple of days given the task at hand. The new underwear was strung up like party decor and we had some matchbox cars and peanut M&M’s for the end of the day (Does every parent get the peanut ones thinking they are slightly more healthy than just the chocolate ones?) We set out the juice and waited. What I immediately realized is that I could not wait for my kids to start peeing on the floor. It was the primary opportunity that we could take action and help them learn! We eagerly anticipated peeing on the floor so they could “catch” themselves and hit the bathroom.
In order to reach our goal of potty training that weekend, it involved catching the less-than-ideal behavior (peeing on the floor) and doing something better (going to the bathroom). Nothing was as effective as those couple times that required patience and a sense of humor to implement a new skill.
At Loyal Blue we don’t offer potty training, but we do provide lots of different coping strategies: CBT skills, emotional regulation tactics, mindfulness exercises, interpersonal approaches, basic diplomacy for teens. 🙂
But in order to practice these coping strategies we need to wait for those panic attacks, depressed afternoons, binge eating episodes, nights of insomnia, and arguments with friends. We teach clients to look for these “opportunities,” to experiment and report back.
Problem Solving Requires Patience
After months of diapers [insert actual maladaptive behavior here], it is a relief to try something new [therapy] and begin the journey of self-awareness. Therapists are patient professionals, skilled at getting through many moments of “peeing on the floor” and helping our clients of all ages learn necessary skills.
Do these skills work perfectly the first time? Only sometimes! It is a VERY common to hear in the therapy room: “I tried that. It didn’t work.” So have patience. We learn about ourselves and each other when trying new things, and most of us are quite frustrated with the process that involves learning to self-soothe, redirect, or implement a new habit. But would we rant at a puppy who didn’t get a trick right the first go around? Or expect a child to hit a home run during their first batting practice? So why would we criticize ourselves and each other when things don’t work immediately?
In a world of instant gratification, we want things quickly and we have high expectations. However, by the time you seek counseling, you may have had months, maybe even years of maladaptive behaviors. You’ve been peeing on the floor, perhaps vaguely knowing there’s a better way. We get it — you want to feel better fast.
Take comfort in the fact you will learn new skills because you have many times. Many people for a very long time have hopefully held you up with patience and guided you towards developmental milestones. In coming to therapy, you are at another frontier that promises great rewards. We’d love to help you get there.
