Having lived through a pandemic, we all learned a thing or two about radical acceptance without even knowing it. It took many of us weeks to months to accept the reality of this pandemic world, and those who did best leaned heavily on their skills of adaptability and flexibility ( the two therapy skills we at Loyal Blue think are essential.) “Radical Acceptance” is a skill taught for stress relief which reduces suffering, and increases our feeling of personal freedom. While tolerating both low and high grade stress the past year has been paramount, radical acceptance was a popular skill we used pre-pandemic from the popular approach of DBT (dialectical behavior therapy).
Not accepting reality can lead to resentment, bitterness, and other heavy emotions. When you consider a scenario that may be good for radical acceptance, think about an area of life where you feel stuck. It could be a relationship, lack of progress personally or professionally, or problem solving a time of day or week that feels rough.
Important: radical acceptance is not condoning an event or supporting a particular outcome. It is not agreeing with another person or giving in. It is above politics and polarizing topics. For this reason, it was extremely useful during the pandemic. It is simply taking something at face value. It is accepting something that has occurred — and the feelings that result from this particular event — completely and without judgement. Then you are free to pivot to productive energy
What does radical acceptance look like in real life?
Parents can use this skill to make peace with the kind of child they are raising and what the child’s strengths, weaknesses, and needs are. When you radically accept a situation in parenting, it frees you to problem solve instead of lament, cajole, or nag. You are allowed to feel disappointment! It frees you to offer yourself compassion for the difficulty in navigating family life.
Teens can use this skill to lessen social anxiety, build confidence, and gain personal freedom. Students want to feel in control and they also want to avoid pain and blame. To radically accept an academic situation, or a relationship that isn’t what they hoped for, or house rules means that the student is free to focus on what they can control about each situation instead of ruminating.
In the workplace we can use this skill to accept how a colleague is, the limitations of one’s role, or the way a company does something or how their ideas are received. This frees the worker to turn their energy into productive effort.
All relationships can use this skill to remind ourselves that we cannot change another person! Yes, you can work on behavior and communication and many other things but to radically accept another human is to see them as they are…flawed and beautiful human beings. Ironically once people acknowledge this about one another, the gridlock we feel with many relationships improves.
You can practice radical acceptance with life’s inconveniences:
- When you are stuck in traffic. (Yep, it’s back.)
- When your child rejects your well-intentioned and very wise advice. (Radically accepting the feelings that come with this situation is most important).
- When you have a car or computer problem, or an appliance breaks down. <— Why has this happened to everyone in the last year? I’m looking at you, stupid down-draft oven! (What could be more tragic than not accepting the reality of a broken non-living thing?)
- When someone around you is in a bad mood. (Ever notice how often we try to change other people’s moods to accommodate us instead of just letting them be that way and turning our energy elsewhere?)
Radical acceptance is about lessening suffering by allowing things to be as they are…and then redirecting this energy more productively. It allows us freedom to make choices without feeling bogged down by emotions associated with what came prior to this choice. At Loyal Blue we love this kind of approach because we believe not every situation needs deep thoughts. 🙂 Sometimes we just need to move on.
Loyal Blue therapists teach all the areas of Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Mindfulness, Distress Tolerance, Interpersonal Effectiveness, and Emotional Regulation. In short, DBT helps people:
- Live in the present moment
- Cope with stress and unpleasant emotions
- Build healthy relationships with others
- Address emotional highs and lows
See what nagging things you can clear up by radically accepting them, and free your energy to focus on other things. Like shopping for a new oven.
The world needs you!
