Even if you enjoy your job and love your home life, there is something difficult about returning to work after a vacation, or to school after summer — or just to wearing real pants going back to the office. (While I may never wear slacks again, I do find the transition to wearing boots or actual shoes fairly pronounced when fall rolls around.) Feeling depressed even though you were fine before your trip? Experiencing anxiety just from returning to work after a break? Is school really starting in August now? Check check check.
A former boss of mine (he was a tennis pro, so not exactly returning to slacks either) always came back to work in a funk for a day or two — and he is one of the most cheerful people around. I learned back then that this happens to everyone. However, my observation is that the more traditions you have around your time off, or your summer, or your shelter-in-place, the harder it is to get back to routines. Children especially get set in their ways, their summer sleep chaos, and their lack of ability to focus.
What can we do for ourselves and our loved ones to make re-entry easier?
Make things as simple as possible. What can you do now to make the next thing easier?
From a psychological perspective, this can fall into a few categories:
Priming: when you get in the mindset for your next chapter. You can use visualization by taking yourself through the morning routine, or close your eyes on the plane ride home to picture what you will and won’t tackle upon arriving. Feel yourself walking into a new school and looking for a friendly face, or remind yourself of what it’s like to sit at your desk.
Recruiting support: help your children make plans to meet friends the first few weeks of school, get takeout the night you get home from a trip, set up a few carpools, schedule yourself some downtime during the first workweek back to support your re-entry.
Ease In: Not all to-do’s are a level 10. Wait until the weekend to do laundry (remember, you’re wearing the sorry slacks anyway). Make a better to-do list (more details at the bottom of post) and note any tasks that can wait.
Emotionally speaking, this too shall pass, and in the meantime…”tolerate” is the magic word.
The blues upon re-entry are a temporary feeling state. Each day should get a little easier to return to your duties. But it can be a strange feeling to know intellectually that you like your job, or know that your kid enjoys school, and still feel unhappy or hear kids complain. “What is wrong with me?” people say. “It’s almost not worth getting away because I feel so overwhelmed when I return.” (Remember, throughout the year we just call this the”Mondays”!)
We need to show ourselves and our people that we can tolerate negative emotions until they wane.
- Let your child complain, and know that it isn’t your job to fix their attitude or wrestle them into readiness. Just acknowledge and empathize without being argumentative. “I hear you. It’s hard to be at school all day after summer break.” Share your own feelings about returning to routines.
- Give yourself some slack and set short term goals at work until you can do a deeper dive.
- Practice tolerance around uncertainty. We desire certainty and control so that our day feels like we have time for all we need to do. But school and return-to-office routines take a few weeks.
Keep some routines from vacation or summer until they fade out naturally.
Routines are not the goal in and of themselves. They are a path to a destination. Ask yourself not just what you loved from your summer routine or vacation, but why it mattered:
Were you with your friends? (What matters: connection. What are other ways to feel connected?)
Did you eat outside? (What matters: longer meals? Pleasant atmosphere?)
Did you love seeing new places? (What matters: novelty. Where else can you experience new things?)
Were you happy to not be on a computer? (What matters: paying attention to something else instead, like books, children, or games?)
Did you enjoy your kids without their screens? (What matters: conversation, family activities, better emotional regulation)
Time off is as essential as any other part of our busy lives. There are usually elements of our vacation-mode that we can employ at home with some intention and planning. Don’t give up if your plan to eat dinner outside didn’t come together, or if your teen hops right on their phone without so much as a hello. Use this Weekly Habit register to set some intentions. I use this with clients all the time. It looks silly until you understand how wonderful it is to have a to do list you actually want to complete. Here are some things that could be on it for you or your family:
- Eat pineapple
- Family board game
- Walk during the work day
- Try a new food
- Look at nature
- Read instead of scroll
- Watch something funny
Then you put down how many times you’d like to do the above activities, 1-7 times that week. Kids especially like the idea of noting that this is a positive behavior list without pressure.
One last note: Therapists help clients set intentions for their lives. That’s the easy part for all of us. The difficult part comes when clients come back and report that their big idea from session “didn’t work.” Luckily we (and you) should be prepared for this outcome as we are practicing something new. Here is where true therapy can begin. What do we do when our best intentions didn’t yield results? What is at the heart of the new habit or experiment we are working on? What got in the way, psychologically or otherwise?
You may never avoid the re-entry blues, but give yourself some grace. Wishing you all a happy ending to your summer this month!
