4 Lessons From The Playing Field From A Lafayette Therapist

As child and family therapists based in Berkeley and Lafayette, CA — and as parents, coaches, and longtime baseball fans — we see how youth sports offer powerful opportunities for emotional growth for the whole family. From learning how to manage frustration to practicing resilience and teamwork, the baseball field becomes a natural space for real-life lessons. In this post, we share 4 insights drawn from the dugout that connect directly to the work we do in therapy with kids and families in the East Bay.

1. A hit isn’t always a hit. That’s right, we support scoring errors just like in the big leagues. Whether the kids are 9 or 13, if you’re keeping score, you should assign errors.

We adults seem to have baggage around the word “error.” Wherever did we learn this? Let’s back up and teach kids that mistakes are part of the game. On the baseball field, everything that happens is someone’s responsibility. Every reachable ball in play has a player with potential to make it. Isn’t that great? Love this potential. So what if a kid misses some plays? An error is just what it’s called. It’s not personal; everyone is learning. And therefore everyone makes errors, and everyone learns it is okay to keep learning. And also, then no pitcher has 12 earned runs on record because of “triples” to the first baseman.

As therapists, we do not shy away from helping our clients accept responsibility. We work with adults and kids to de-personalize mistakes, especially where effort and good intentions are involved. In fact, clients who are in therapy are more likely to learn from their errors, not take them personally, and rebound to better results.

Skills learned: Responsibility, acceptance, resilience, perseverance…

2. Crying on the pitcher’s mound (or after a strikeout) is never the kid’s fault.

Why do so many people get mad when someone is crying? With children, maybe we get mad because we feel responsible for their feelings and that they shouldn’t be upset. This is frustrating for us; shouldn’t they be handling themselves better? They have somehow failed because they are crying. We want them to stay cool and self-regulated.

But actually, in these moments, we have failed them. How are children supposed to learn how to handle their feelings if we don’t teach them? How are they supposed to stand alone on that pitcher’s mound and stay focused in one of those innings where the wheels come off? This composure is a very important part of sports. We talk frequently about good sportsmanship towards others but what about towards ourselves?

A kid who is crying out of frustration or anger on the mound is a kid who needed a coach’s talk before he got to this point. It is a kid who perhaps should have been relieved of their duties one batter earlier. It is a kid who needs all feelings normalized and modeled for them at home. Kids need to see their parents experiencing emotions and coping with them. And players need some pre-game guidance (and lots of practice) about what to do when they get frustrated, with themselves and each other. If kids are only disciplined for slamming their glove or batting helmet, but not taught how to manage that anger, then we have failed them.

Therapists at Loyal Blue teach these skills. But talking about feelings at home is the foundation. I’d love to offer clinics to local little leagues that teach what kids need in order to stay collected under pressure. It’s one of the most valuable things we can learn through sports. But it needs to be supported and practiced at home. Try a few sessions of family therapy or parent coaching to learn how to do it. Inquire here.

Therapy Skills: emotional regulation, mindfulness, communication, distress tolerance (that’s 3 out of 4 of effective DBT modules we teach!)

3. Some people are on the All Star team not because they are the best player, but because they have the biggest heart and loudest cheering from the dugout.

Do not underestimate the power of a positive kid with average skills. Similarly, bad dugout vibes will kill even the most talented team. Don’t select these kids for all-stars unless you can keep close watch and correct their attitudes, one day at a time. Don’t allow their behavior to infiltrate the group.

At Loyal Blue, we turn dugout downers and sideline curmudgeons into forces for good. Therapy is nothing if not getting out of your own bad habits and learning how to live well with others.

Therapy Skills: pro-social behavior, group dynamics/family systems, CBT (the power of productive thinking)

4. Hurray! Umpires are humans.

No pitch is a strike or a ball anything else until the umpire calls it. No matter what you say, or where you think it is, or who you think you are. And isn’t that grand? Hitters and pitchers have to learn an umpire’s strike zone every game. Players and their observations, intelligence, and adaptability impress me every time.

What’s not impressive or productive? Complaining about an umpire. What’s the worst? Arguing with one in front of your team. Instead, have a private conversation and keep your cool. Kids learn from their coaches and parents how to show leadership. With an umpire, everyone learns to practice radical acceptance: taking something that has occurred and completely accepting it (and the resulting feelings from it). This allows everyone to “be a goldfish” with a three second memory and move on (credit: Ted Lasso)

You get on board with the umpire, because your team is counting on it.

At Loyal Blue, we are straight shooters with our clients. While we empathize with an inconsistent strike zone, and have known some strikes to even bounce before the plate, we respect human umpires and the lessons they teach. We help our clients avoid dwelling and indignation. Instead, each game is a chance to recognize, accept, and adapt faster the next time!

Therapy Skills: radical acceptance, valuing individuality and humanity, adaptability and flexibility

Loyal Blue can help your young athlete, your angsty sideline self, or your coaching dreams come true!