It’s common to hear parents describe their child as “sensitive.” But what does that really mean? Sensitivity is a child’s ability to deeply feel and perceive emotions, both their own and those around them. Sensitivity is a spectrum, and not all sensitive kids are the same or experience the world around them in the same way. Some may be more easily overwhelmed by sensory input like sounds, or temperature, while others might be deeply empathetic, even the movies they watch or books they read might have a big impact on their emotions. We all have different levels of sensitivity, there is no shame in that – but being able to acknowledge this difference can make it a lot easier to relate to and understand the kiddos in our lives.
Dr. Elaine N. Aron, author of “The Highly Sensitive Child,” said, “Sensitivity is not a flaw, but a gift. It’s a way of being in the world that allows us to experience life more deeply.”
Sensitivity as a Strength
As Dr. Elaine wrote, sensitivity is a gift, not a flaw. Sensitive kids often have a rich emotional life, are highly intuitive, and can be incredibly compassionate. They’re often more in tune with the world around them, and can be excellent problem-solvers, artists, and friends. Sensitive kids often have a strong inner compass and sense of self that can guide them through life.
The Challenges of Sensitivity
While sensitivity can be a positive trait, it can also come with some challenges. Sensitive kids might experience intense emotions, be easily overwhelmed, or struggle with social situations. They may also be more prone to anxiety, depression, or emotional outbursts. It can be confusing or difficult for kids to understand how to navigate their emotions and how to set boundaries and not let the emotions of other people impact them too much.
Why It’s Important to Support Our Sensitive Kids
Without proper support, sensitive children can struggle with self-esteem, anxiety, repression and social isolation. This can impact your child’s ability to make social connections with peers, to focus on school, to understand themselves and to feel comfortable in their own skin (which, let’s be honest, is hard enough as it is!). Highly sensitive kiddos understand empathy, but sometimes to a point where it hurts them – they might struggle with speaking up for themselves or take on the emotions of those around them. It’s important to identify and support sensitive kids early on to help them develop healthy coping mechanisms and build resilience. By understanding and validating their unique experiences, we can help them embrace their sensitivity as a strength rather than a burden.
A Therapist’s Perspective
As a therapist who works with sensitive kids & teens, I’ve witnessed firsthand the incredible gifts they bring to the world. Their empathy, creativity, and deep understanding of human emotions and those around them are truly inspiring. However, without the right tools and support, their sensitivity can become overwhelming, they can struggle to prioritize themselves and or they often feel like they are “different” or “wrong”.
Working with highly sensitive kids and being able to help them develop coping strategies (like mindfulness, deep breathing, and journaling), validating and normalizing their emotions and experiences and working with them to build self-esteem, self-compassion and boundaries is an extremely gratifying and fulfilling part of my job. By creating a safe and supportive space, I empower them to embrace their unique qualities and navigate the world with confidence.
Tips for Helping Your Sensitive Child
- Validate Their Feelings: Let your child know that their emotions are valid and important. Children often get the message that their emotions make them “too much” or “different”, validating their feelings creates a space for them to begin to understand and appreciate this gift of sensitivity.
- Create a Calm Environment: A peaceful home can help reduce stress and overwhelm. Consider designating a quiet zone in your home where your child can retreat to when they need some peace and quiet. Soft lighting, calming colors, fidget toys or games and comfortable, soft furniture can create a soothing atmosphere.
- Teach Coping Skills: Help your child develop healthy ways to manage their emotions, like deep breathing or mindfulness. You can also teach them relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation or visualization.
- Set Boundaries: Help your sensitive kiddo understand the importance of setting boundaries in order to avoid getting burnt out or overwhelmed regularly. This could mean saying no to activities that feel overwhelming, or taking breaks when needed.
- Seek Support: If you’re struggling to support your sensitive child, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and support for both you and your child.
Examples of Positive Interactions
- Empathy: “I can see you’re feeling sad. It’s okay to feel that way.”
- Validation: “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the noise. Let’s find a quieter place.”
- Problem-solving: “Let’s brainstorm some ways to make this situation less stressful for you.”
- Boundary setting: “If you’re feeling overwhelmed by friends, it’s okay to take a break and spend some time alone.”
When Your Child is More Sensitive Than You
It’s not uncommon for a child to be more sensitive than their parents. This can sometimes lead to a disconnect or misunderstanding (or downright frustration). Here are some tips to help navigate this situation:
- Educate Yourself: Learn about high sensitivity and the unique challenges and strengths that come with it. This can help you better understand your child’s experiences and how to navigate different situations with them.
- Seek Support: Connect with other parents of sensitive children or join support groups. Sharing experiences can be incredibly helpful.
- Practice Empathy: Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes and understand from their perspective how a situation might be impacting them.
- Set Boundaries: While empathy is important, it’s also essential to set boundaries to protect yourself and your child.
- Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to cope with your child’s sensitivity, consider reaching out to a therapist to help.
Helping Siblings Cope
When you have a sensitive child, it’s important to also consider the needs of your other children. Siblings may feel jealous or resentful if they feel like their sensitive sibling is getting more attention. When one of your kiddos is easily able to access their emotions or is frequently having emotional reactions, it can make their siblings who maybe have a harder time accessing their emotions (or just don’t have as many big emotions) feel like they are being overlooked. To help prevent this, try to:
- Be mindful of your language: Avoid labeling your child as “overly sensitive” or “difficult” in front of siblings. Similarly, don’t praise the sibling for being “more low-maintenance” or “easy going”, this can reinforce the idea that they should avoid expressing emotions.
- Spend quality one-on-one time with each child. Making each child feel special and seen helps to let them know that they are loved no matter how they experience their emotions.
- Involve siblings in helping to support their sensitive sibling. For example, they could help create a calming environment, take part in mindfulness activities or offer a hug to their sibling.
- Talk to your other children about their feelings. Validate their emotions and let them know that it’s okay to feel jealous or frustrated sometimes.
By understanding and supporting your sensitive child, you can help them thrive and reach their full potential. Remember, sensitivity is a gift, and with the right tools and support, your child can use it to create a beautiful and meaningful life.
By: Jessica Montellano, AMFT. Send a note to Jessica or one of our other therapists to discuss how your child can learn and thrive!
Resources
- Highly Sensitive Person Quiz: https://hsperson.com/
- Counseling: Consider seeking professional counseling to gain additional support and strategies.
- Books for Parents:
- The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine N. Aron
- Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
